A familiar season is upon us. It's not that I hadn't thought about a whole year passing, and mentally I realized it was March, but it wasn't until a couple of weeks ago when I was driving to work, that it hit me. It was the place the sun was rising from the ground and the way the sky looked. It was the feel and smell of the air. Suddenly some intense emotion started welling up inside of me and I realized, in my heart, what time it was. Isn't it amazing that God's creation can conjure up such intense emotions and memories? I guess I shouldn't be surprised.
I would say we have grieved well. (do people say that :) We decided from the very beginning of this journey that we would try not to 'care' what other people thought we should do or how they thought we should feel. And that has been one of the most helpful things for me. I am not suggesting that the process of grief has ended. We are about to cross a major milestone in that process. And I would assume that for any kind of loss, there is always a part of the heart that is sad. I would hate for that to go away. I want to remember.
What makes me the most sad right now is to think back over the last year and realize all the things we did, without Titus. It's just crazy that such a great amount of time has passed. I've heard people say that when something tragic happens it feels like 'time stands still' for a while. I completely agree with that because it seems like just a month or two ago that we lost him.
I'm a better person than I was before I knew Titus. I've learned things about love and about God I would have never known. God loves me so much. He loves YOU so so much. It's unbearable to think what we'd be without His love. There are many things that I've always believed in or spoken that now MEAN something to me. Heaven; we have a sweet investment there. Earth; we are not yet living in the fullness of the Kingdom of God. Humans; we are resilient and strong and a lot of people really do love others as they love themselves. Sin, there is no sin that cannot be redeemed by what Christ has already done. Pain; it will not only end, it will be REDEEMED. That word means the world to me. Trust; though difficult, it's possible, even when you know it doesn't mean automatic happiness here on earth. Hope; it's all over the place.
Speaking of redemption and hope: Titus is going to be a big brother! I know you are all aware of that, but I like to say it. :) We are expecting baby 'X' in mid September. September 16, if you're one for dates. Kent wanted to have something to call the baby, so he started calling it X and it's stuck (to my mother-in-law's dismay). She's afraid it will stick. Haha. It is believed among the male students in our campus ministry that X is a boy, and that's just because they never fathomed that little babies could ACTUALLY be girls. You should have seen their faces when I broke the news that there's kind of a 50/50 chance either way.
I am 13 weeks along and have been feeling good. Just the occasional prego discomfort, so I count myself lucky. I have been, for the most part, worry free. I attribute that to all the folks that are still out there on their knees for us. Really. I don't think that I'd be as sain as I have been without those prayers. Thank you, thank you, thank you. We are beyond excited for this little one! That's the understatement of the year.
I owe my sister-in-law to be a belly picture. I have not forgotten. But it's not in this post. :)
One more camp post
3 years ago